I See...Caricatures of People

I've always been fascinated with comedians.  It seems like a very hard profession (I guess it's a profession).  The ones in particular that tend to always peak my curiosity (and the ones I critique the most) are impressionists.  Some are better than others, but the elites just blow me away.  I've always felt like I'm an amateur impressionist and because I've made at least 3 people laugh (and only 2 were immediate family members!!!), I think I'm pretty good.

The elite ones can do anyone.  I think my 6-year old could do John Wayne or Jack Nicholson but it takes a real artist to do Robin Williams or David Paterson (the blind New York Governor...try that impression at the next party you're at and watch your friends give a genuine sympathy laugh).  The key with the biggies is that they implement more than the voice.  As a famous Sea Witch once said, you can never underestimate the importance of body language (my kids can't watch that movie because the teenage heroine disobeys her father but that's fodder for another blog post).

My problem is, I do obscure people.  I'm not talking about B or C actors like Robert Pattinson (you heard me) or Zsa Zsa Gabor.  I do law professors and my grandmother.  One of my best impressions is of a foreign student, who I believe to be a pothead.  Maybe that one crosses some ethical line but it creates a good break from studying Criminal Procedure.  The real problem is context.  My audience is narrowed by my, (a) subject matter and (b) audience members who get the reference.  Bye-bye Radio City Music Hall.  

Oh, well I guess I will have to give up this dream and stick to making my wife snicker in public while telling me to stop when I mock the one-armed auctioneer scratching his head with his nub, while asking in his East-Tennessee mountain drawl, "Whatsamatter withit?" because nobody is bidding.

After that self-deprecating/self-awesomeness drivel, let's get to some Flea-Market Flippers

When last we left you, we had a baseball card, payphone lock and Sega video game cartridge vying for the top spot.  The results are thus:

Northern Electric Payphone Lock - paid less than $1.  Sold for $26.00.

Sega Genesis Contra Game - paid $5.  Sold for $32.26.

2012 BP Wil Myers Red Ref. - paid $3 (for the pack).  Sold for $44.00.

All the proceeds go to Feed the Children (mine).

Here are this weeks superstar items:

1963 John Glenn Orbit Thermos ($10 at the flea market)

Scary Game that is frustrating to control ($3 at a variety shop)

Wooden Color Wheel (Made in China, Folks! and only $1.75 at Walmart Clearance)

Ideas

I always like to have something witty, thought provoking or just entertaining (to me, anyway) to write about.  

Today is not that day.

I had a few ideas but they seemed rather blase.  Then I started thinking, 'do people even  read the editorial part or do they just skip on down to the FMF?'  With such limited time in folks' lives, should I scrap the side dish and just serve up the meat?

I always hoped the top part, what with my wit and charm, would win people over and they would say, "Boy that Piggy fellar sure does spin a good anecdote."  I could hear the guffaws in my mind from the low-brow crowd, could see the winks of those who got the high-end absurdity.  Repost after repost on social networks and micro blogs would expose my sarcasm to the masses.  I would be the next Garrison Keillor, Lewis Grizzard or Larry the Cable Guy!

But alas, I couldn't think of any ideas to put me over the top.  I guess we'll just have to give the uber-capitalist what they want.  So pause that episode of Pawn Stars or Storage Wars on Netflix and lets get on with Flea Market Flippers.  Yipp...ee.

While ya'll are enjoying it, I'll just sit over hear, basking in my awesomeness bubble made for one.

For any newbies, the rules are thus:

1.  I show a picture of something I've picked up at a yard sale or flea market, what I paid for it and any neat story associated with the item.

2.  The item goes on eBay.

3.  You speculate what it might bring, boom or bust (basic free-market economics).

4.  The winning speculator gets to gloat to their friends.

Western Electric 3-slot Payphone Lock (Box Lot of Padlocks $15 soooo around .75 cents)

When I saw this box of about 20 old padlocks, I didn't give these (there were 4) a second glance.  We'll see how this one does.

2012 Bowman Platinum Wil Myers Red Refractor #11/25 (Minty Fresh out of $3 pack)

I love finding shiny things in packs of cards.  Especially hot prospects with low-serial numbers.

 Sega Genesis Contra: Hard Corps Game ($5 at a variety store)

I could be wrong but this could be one of the first Mature Audience labeled games.

Leaving Money on the Table

This junk hunting is not an exact science. It pays to know your stuff, but you can't know it all. You hear different kinds of advice such as, "find a niche" or "stick to what you know".

That's hard for me. Sure, I have an in depth knowledge of sports cards, video games and certain toys and their respective values. But I hate knowing when I walk into a junk shop or look at a table full of whatnots at the flea market, there is something of value right in front of me...and I have no idea.

I came across such a mystery item yesterday. Carrie and I were on our way to a thrift store to buy a lot of action figures. We saw an antique shop we had never ventured into before and decided to stop. Low and behold, something caught my eye. $25 was all it would take to purchase something I had never seen before.

NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!!

Why didn't I listen to the alarm bells going off in my head?! Was I too tired to notice the wow factor?! Why am I such a cheapskate?! Is the moon really made of cheese?! Will I ever win a Nobel Peace Prize if I get the producers of The View to add Judge Judy as a referee?! (I do believe that would bring harmony to the Galaxy).

Anyway, I hope that my mystery item sits collecting dust until the store reopens. If not, I will be wiser...as well as more jaded by my accursed addiction.

On to the FMF madness! (hopefully more appealing to the eye than last week)

Leather Gun Belt w/Holster - Paid $5, sold for $10.50

Hasbro G.I. Joe MOBAT Tank - Paid $2, sold for $11.61

5 Lot 70s Pepsi DC Superhero glasses - Paid $6.67, sold for $83.58

Here are this weeks humble offering to the eBay gods:

Jurassic Park Re-Ak Attack Dilophosaurus Dino - paid $1.

Vintage Knickerbocker Bean Bag Animals Frog??? (I really have no clue what this is) - paid .50 cents.

Vintage Bakelite Sawyers View-Master - paid $5.

The Call of the Wild

It's time to get something off my chest.

I want to be good. I really do. The natural man gets to me though. I'm like a comedian looking for someone, anyone, to laugh at my joke. I try to get away from my past, from the things that beset me...try to move forward...be a better person.

I often find myself driving down certain roads, looking for my next fix. I know I should turn back but the pull is too great. I've already been to the bank and withdrawn $100 cash in small bills. I keep rolling, when I should probably be getting home. All the signs are there that I'm heading down the right road for the reason that will take my money. About the time I start to come to my senses, I notice what I've been looking for.

I pull up and and nod to the nameless gatekeeper of my satisfaction. I look around nervously. Part of me hoping I haven't missed out but the other part hoping I have. That's when I realize they have what I need and I'll be going down the rabbit hole after all.

Toys cleaned out of Junior's closet. Baseball cards from Billy's shoebox. An old Nintendo in a box with ten games.

"Oh please let there be a Darth Vader Lego figure at the bottom of this quarter box."

"Maybe a 1977 Dale Murphy rookie is in here with these mid-80s Topps cards."

"Oh my gosh! Zombies Ate My Neighbors for Super Nintendo!"

I tried to be good. I tried to focus on my studies in law school. But the pull to hunt yard sales, flea markets and junk shops is in my blood.

I've fallen off the wagon.

That means it's time for more Flea Market Flippers. For those of you who forgot the rules, well, there are none. I just show you my hand, how much I paid and, if you want, guess which item[s] will sell for the most on ebay (generally within a week). Here are some of my finds this week.

Leather gun belt with holster. Paid $5 from a weird guy selling out of a storage unit:

Hasbro G.I. Joe MOBAT Tank 1982 (missing battery cover). Paid $2 from flea market vendor:

5 lot Pepsi DC Super Heroes 1976 glasses. Paid $40 for a lot of 30 character glasses, so that would make this lot about $6.67 ($1.33333333 a piece). This was from the same guy at the storage unit. I answered an ad from craigslist for some Warner Bros. and Underdog/Rocky the Flying Squirrel glasses from the 70s and the guy wanted me to meet him at the storage unit to look at them. The super hero glasses were with them (unadvertised) and we took them all. I admit, I was a little worried to meet up with a strange guy on a Saturday afternoon at a storage locker in the middle of nowhere. I told my wife that's where the police should look for my body after the 3 days I was considered R.U.N.N.O.F.T was up:

Final FMF (for now)

For all of you waiting for the season ending grand finale of FMF, here it is, in all it's edge of your seat, cliff-hangerism. I'll probably be hanging it up for a while as I'm starting law school next week. so both of you who stumbled upon this weird blog I say thanks and come back soon (even though we will be closed for the winter).

Vintage Green Tiger Bank made in Japan - paid $1.00. Sold for nada (That's 0 dollars American).

1983 Universal Pictures Rocky III Thunderlips figure (eat your vitamins and say your prayers, it's actually Hulk Hogan) - paid $1.00. Sold for $0. A guy did contact me and wants to buy it for $8.

1999 Hasbro Pokemon Jumbo Pikachu Plush - paid $1.00. Sold for (see: next sentence). I worried about this one because it had 6 watchers and no bids with 12 hours left, so I pulled the auction. After I ended it early, a guy messaged me wondering if I was going to relist it. I told him maybe and he said he lived just down the road from me and wondered if we could meet and him buy it for $20. I agreed.

Now just imagine you're driving down the road and you see a beat up Nissan Altima and a trashed Saturn parked all alone in an empty lot (ok, "parked all alone in an empty lot" is redundant but I'm trying to paint a vivid picture here). Two grown men are there exchanging Jacksons (ok, 1 Jackson) for a jumbo stuffed toy. I would think something from a Far Side cartoon was going down. I digress. Back to our regularly scheduled FMF.

1992 Applause Stego Plush - paid $1.00. Sold for .99 cents. Very disappointed but some grandma from MN was very happy.

Talisman: The Magical Quest Board Game - paid $5.00 divided by a suitcase full of junk. Sold for $26.00

1968-71 Frito Lay Premiums 'W.C. Fields' and 'Frito Bandito' pencil toppers - paid about a nickel apiece. Sold for a total of $76.64 (cue Hallelujah Chorus). Remember these are PENCIL ERASERS!!!! No bigger than a quarter. The Blue Frito Bandito sold by itself for $46.00! This is the stuff that makes flippin' so much fun.

Thanks for looking!

PMF on FMF

Flea Market Flippers Results & FMF-O-Rama!!!

With law school right around the corner, I've been really busy so I'm taking a lazy route with my writings this week. But my laziness is your gain! After this weeks results, we'll have a FMF-O-RAMA!

Here are last weeks results:

Jurassic Park Baby T-Rex (it's actually a Velociraptor) - Paid $.50 cents. Sold for $5.75

1964 Ashland Products Elephant Squeaker Toy - Paid $3.00. Did not Sell (Carrie wanted it)

1971 Mattel Talk up Doll - Paid $1.00. Sold for $36.00

And this weeks junk. If there was ever a week to post what you think the results will be, this would be it. Some neat stuff:

Vintage Green Tiger Bank made in Japan (paid .50)

(I love this next one)

1983 Universal Pictures Rocky III 'Thunderlips' action figure (aka Hulk Hogan) (paid $1.00)

1999 Hasbro Pokemon Jumbo Pikachu plush (paid $1.00)

1992 Applause Stegosaurus plush (paid $1.00)

Talisman: The Magical Quest Game board Game (In a suitcase full of stuff I paid $5.00 for)

(And one of my favorite things I've ever found)

1968-71 Frito-Lay Premiums 'W.C. Fields' and 'Frito Bandito' pencil toppers (in a box of stuff I paid $1.00 for)

Bad Parenting Skills + This week's FMF

Emma, our 14 year-old, asked if she could have a cupcake. My response:

"Go ask mom; I don't want to be the bad parent."

Bella (13 year-old) chimes in, "Dad, that is being a bad parent."

Yep, I have terrible parenting skills. My biggest terrible parenting skill is lying to my children.

"Dad, where were you?"

"I saw a bear riding a motorcycle and decided to wrestle him."

"Dad, where are you going?"

"The whoopin' store. Do you want one?"

"Dad, where is Ghana?"

"It's a place where bats go to the bathroom."

I won't post some of the more awful things I've said. While most dad's are teaching their kids to be smart, I'm afraid I'm teaching my kids to be smart-alecs. This isn't something I started out doing. In the beginning of my parenting years, I only wanted to confuse my children. You know, teach them that chairs are tables and vice-versa. I wanted them to be scared to eat at McDonald's because of the groundclown they serve (OK, that one should go in the 'lie' category). I figured if I hugged trees and talked about wealth redistribution, they would rebel in their teen years and become Republicans.

So to my children, I say I'm sorry. Hugging Bella while passing gas is not cool. I should have never told Abey he sold on eBay and that he would be shipped with delivery confirmation. I'm sorry Forrest for telling you that the Colorado Rockies hide their steroids under 1st base. Nathan, you didn't really come from the circus (that one may actually be true). Guys, I didn't really escape from a Japanese enemy combatant detention center.

I feel better now. And to reward you kids; tomorrow DISNEY WORLD!!!! You know, that place that sells toys, clothes, groceries and you can get the oil changed in your car.

On to FMF (Flea Market Flippers)

This was a strange week as far as the hunt was concerned. Here are last week's results:

Vintage G.I. Joe H.I.S.S. driver. Paid .10 cents. Sold for .99 cents.

1959 Whitman "Little Black Sambo" children's book. Paid $2.00. Sold for $16.50

14 Wrestling vhs videos. Paid $2.00. Sold for $32.73

This week's offerings:

Jurassic Park Baby T-Rex:

1964 Ashland Products Elephant Squeaker toy:

1971 Mattel Talk Up doll: