I See...Caricatures of People

I've always been fascinated with comedians.  It seems like a very hard profession (I guess it's a profession).  The ones in particular that tend to always peak my curiosity (and the ones I critique the most) are impressionists.  Some are better than others, but the elites just blow me away.  I've always felt like I'm an amateur impressionist and because I've made at least 3 people laugh (and only 2 were immediate family members!!!), I think I'm pretty good.

The elite ones can do anyone.  I think my 6-year old could do John Wayne or Jack Nicholson but it takes a real artist to do Robin Williams or David Paterson (the blind New York Governor...try that impression at the next party you're at and watch your friends give a genuine sympathy laugh).  The key with the biggies is that they implement more than the voice.  As a famous Sea Witch once said, you can never underestimate the importance of body language (my kids can't watch that movie because the teenage heroine disobeys her father but that's fodder for another blog post).

My problem is, I do obscure people.  I'm not talking about B or C actors like Robert Pattinson (you heard me) or Zsa Zsa Gabor.  I do law professors and my grandmother.  One of my best impressions is of a foreign student, who I believe to be a pothead.  Maybe that one crosses some ethical line but it creates a good break from studying Criminal Procedure.  The real problem is context.  My audience is narrowed by my, (a) subject matter and (b) audience members who get the reference.  Bye-bye Radio City Music Hall.  

Oh, well I guess I will have to give up this dream and stick to making my wife snicker in public while telling me to stop when I mock the one-armed auctioneer scratching his head with his nub, while asking in his East-Tennessee mountain drawl, "Whatsamatter withit?" because nobody is bidding.

After that self-deprecating/self-awesomeness drivel, let's get to some Flea-Market Flippers

When last we left you, we had a baseball card, payphone lock and Sega video game cartridge vying for the top spot.  The results are thus:

Northern Electric Payphone Lock - paid less than $1.  Sold for $26.00.

Sega Genesis Contra Game - paid $5.  Sold for $32.26.

2012 BP Wil Myers Red Ref. - paid $3 (for the pack).  Sold for $44.00.

All the proceeds go to Feed the Children (mine).

Here are this weeks superstar items:

1963 John Glenn Orbit Thermos ($10 at the flea market)

Scary Game that is frustrating to control ($3 at a variety shop)

Wooden Color Wheel (Made in China, Folks! and only $1.75 at Walmart Clearance)

Ideas

I always like to have something witty, thought provoking or just entertaining (to me, anyway) to write about.  

Today is not that day.

I had a few ideas but they seemed rather blase.  Then I started thinking, 'do people even  read the editorial part or do they just skip on down to the FMF?'  With such limited time in folks' lives, should I scrap the side dish and just serve up the meat?

I always hoped the top part, what with my wit and charm, would win people over and they would say, "Boy that Piggy fellar sure does spin a good anecdote."  I could hear the guffaws in my mind from the low-brow crowd, could see the winks of those who got the high-end absurdity.  Repost after repost on social networks and micro blogs would expose my sarcasm to the masses.  I would be the next Garrison Keillor, Lewis Grizzard or Larry the Cable Guy!

But alas, I couldn't think of any ideas to put me over the top.  I guess we'll just have to give the uber-capitalist what they want.  So pause that episode of Pawn Stars or Storage Wars on Netflix and lets get on with Flea Market Flippers.  Yipp...ee.

While ya'll are enjoying it, I'll just sit over hear, basking in my awesomeness bubble made for one.

For any newbies, the rules are thus:

1.  I show a picture of something I've picked up at a yard sale or flea market, what I paid for it and any neat story associated with the item.

2.  The item goes on eBay.

3.  You speculate what it might bring, boom or bust (basic free-market economics).

4.  The winning speculator gets to gloat to their friends.

Western Electric 3-slot Payphone Lock (Box Lot of Padlocks $15 soooo around .75 cents)

When I saw this box of about 20 old padlocks, I didn't give these (there were 4) a second glance.  We'll see how this one does.

2012 Bowman Platinum Wil Myers Red Refractor #11/25 (Minty Fresh out of $3 pack)

I love finding shiny things in packs of cards.  Especially hot prospects with low-serial numbers.

 Sega Genesis Contra: Hard Corps Game ($5 at a variety store)

I could be wrong but this could be one of the first Mature Audience labeled games.

Leaving Money on the Table

This junk hunting is not an exact science. It pays to know your stuff, but you can't know it all. You hear different kinds of advice such as, "find a niche" or "stick to what you know".

That's hard for me. Sure, I have an in depth knowledge of sports cards, video games and certain toys and their respective values. But I hate knowing when I walk into a junk shop or look at a table full of whatnots at the flea market, there is something of value right in front of me...and I have no idea.

I came across such a mystery item yesterday. Carrie and I were on our way to a thrift store to buy a lot of action figures. We saw an antique shop we had never ventured into before and decided to stop. Low and behold, something caught my eye. $25 was all it would take to purchase something I had never seen before.

NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!!

Why didn't I listen to the alarm bells going off in my head?! Was I too tired to notice the wow factor?! Why am I such a cheapskate?! Is the moon really made of cheese?! Will I ever win a Nobel Peace Prize if I get the producers of The View to add Judge Judy as a referee?! (I do believe that would bring harmony to the Galaxy).

Anyway, I hope that my mystery item sits collecting dust until the store reopens. If not, I will be wiser...as well as more jaded by my accursed addiction.

On to the FMF madness! (hopefully more appealing to the eye than last week)

Leather Gun Belt w/Holster - Paid $5, sold for $10.50

Hasbro G.I. Joe MOBAT Tank - Paid $2, sold for $11.61

5 Lot 70s Pepsi DC Superhero glasses - Paid $6.67, sold for $83.58

Here are this weeks humble offering to the eBay gods:

Jurassic Park Re-Ak Attack Dilophosaurus Dino - paid $1.

Vintage Knickerbocker Bean Bag Animals Frog??? (I really have no clue what this is) - paid .50 cents.

Vintage Bakelite Sawyers View-Master - paid $5.

The Call of the Wild

It's time to get something off my chest.

I want to be good. I really do. The natural man gets to me though. I'm like a comedian looking for someone, anyone, to laugh at my joke. I try to get away from my past, from the things that beset me...try to move forward...be a better person.

I often find myself driving down certain roads, looking for my next fix. I know I should turn back but the pull is too great. I've already been to the bank and withdrawn $100 cash in small bills. I keep rolling, when I should probably be getting home. All the signs are there that I'm heading down the right road for the reason that will take my money. About the time I start to come to my senses, I notice what I've been looking for.

I pull up and and nod to the nameless gatekeeper of my satisfaction. I look around nervously. Part of me hoping I haven't missed out but the other part hoping I have. That's when I realize they have what I need and I'll be going down the rabbit hole after all.

Toys cleaned out of Junior's closet. Baseball cards from Billy's shoebox. An old Nintendo in a box with ten games.

"Oh please let there be a Darth Vader Lego figure at the bottom of this quarter box."

"Maybe a 1977 Dale Murphy rookie is in here with these mid-80s Topps cards."

"Oh my gosh! Zombies Ate My Neighbors for Super Nintendo!"

I tried to be good. I tried to focus on my studies in law school. But the pull to hunt yard sales, flea markets and junk shops is in my blood.

I've fallen off the wagon.

That means it's time for more Flea Market Flippers. For those of you who forgot the rules, well, there are none. I just show you my hand, how much I paid and, if you want, guess which item[s] will sell for the most on ebay (generally within a week). Here are some of my finds this week.

Leather gun belt with holster. Paid $5 from a weird guy selling out of a storage unit:

Hasbro G.I. Joe MOBAT Tank 1982 (missing battery cover). Paid $2 from flea market vendor:

5 lot Pepsi DC Super Heroes 1976 glasses. Paid $40 for a lot of 30 character glasses, so that would make this lot about $6.67 ($1.33333333 a piece). This was from the same guy at the storage unit. I answered an ad from craigslist for some Warner Bros. and Underdog/Rocky the Flying Squirrel glasses from the 70s and the guy wanted me to meet him at the storage unit to look at them. The super hero glasses were with them (unadvertised) and we took them all. I admit, I was a little worried to meet up with a strange guy on a Saturday afternoon at a storage locker in the middle of nowhere. I told my wife that's where the police should look for my body after the 3 days I was considered R.U.N.N.O.F.T was up: